February 24, 2003 ~ 10:52 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the day: "All the Things She Said" ~ t.A.t.u
Now I know at least someone out there likes my writing other than my friends who come here often. Kudos to them, because they're so wonderful.
Tennis is taking up spaces of my time three days of the week now but at least I have something I can brag about for college applications. Also, it's something new I wanted to learn and something that some people I've known have had some history on. I think I've completely forgotten about my years of piano...I haven't even called my old teacher about anything, or even thanked him for the Christmas gift he sent me in the mail for a while. Very unpolite of me...the shame. But I'm going to try and take lessons again in the summer.
Tennis just seemed to be my 'sport' even though I find myself struggling since I'm a beginner. You just have to work at some things, I guess. Unfortunately some of my friends who are on the tennis team as well don't really like our coach. I don't know what it is about her, I'm just pretty neutral with her. Our coach has some long background on tennis, and she's ok with me. It may just be my naivete, but my friends have been telling me ( since they seem to have known her more than I have, and it may just be my naivete ) that our coach...well...is homosexual. There are very few implications of this, but it can be noticed.
Now it's getting to my head...since our coach has to coach both the girls and boys in the team combined, she often sends most of the boys to the other tennis courts at the school ( instead of practicing where we are at the park which is a little closeby ) for them to practice. But it may just be me and the odd little person running around in my head convincing me of all these things.
Moving on, I COMPLETELY FORGOT that our Junior class leader Cami put my name, nay, had me NOMINATED for Junior/Senior prom court!!! I was in a slight shock. It came to be when Cami needed another nominee for the Junior class and I just happened to come across the conversation about it between her and Tricia, who told Cami that I should run. So...I guess I agreed. But now I'm not so sure.
Today the ballots for voting were being done, and my friends squealed with delight that they saw my name. Great. I'm halfway between thinking that it would either be very embarrassing that I actually be picked as one of the Junior prom court members, or very...exciting. I'm not really sure. I'm just neutral about the whole thing but a little scared of it.
It's that 'two different me's' kind of thing. One part of me says I should be excited about prom and that it would be some kind of dream come true that I be a court member, and the other says that I should just plain give up since no one would really vote for me anyway, regardless of how 'nice' I am and how many people like me. That side's saying it's all on a 'popularity' scale. I'm not 'pretty' enough. Oh the hell with that. In any case, I never believed something like this would happen to me through my years of high school, in my previous two years that I've seemed like a 'loner' or an 'outcast', or actually, a 'follower'. I just go wherever my friends go.
But now I've found myself a 'group'. All of my 'friends' are so wonderful, energetic, friendly, and generous. They're so cheerful with each other since they've been good friends ever since the first year of high school. And the most important thing...the one thing that I've ever felt as the most wonderful thing...they've accepted me. They may not know everything about me but they care about me so much, it just makes me feel so wanted, unlike how I've had spent my time with other friends before.
In my elementary days I used to have one good friend who would follow me around like I was their 'leader'. Like I knew what I was doing, and wherever I went there was something happening. What kind of mutual bond was there in that? I mean I miss those friends I once had, who have now moved away, but now to me they were only friends for one time in my life that don't keep contact anymore. The only friends worth keeping are possibly the ones that you feel like you've known for your whole life, even though you've only known them for so long.
It's a good thing...to love your friends and laugh with them and do activities together, even when you don't get to spend time with them much. Even when I feel like I'm the most isolated one, they keep pulling me back into their circle.
I just hope we'll still get to have those good memories. High school only lasts for so long...
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
