November 12, 2002 ~ 11:23 p.m.
Feeling:
Oooh..long time since last, diary. Another day, another time to feel like dying and suffer even more of what I quote: "I hereby declare 'Depression' a virus." Good one, eh? Came up with it suddenly during a convo...
Anyway, this past week has been...half spiritual, half depressing. See...Thursday and Saturday I went to this Big Island Liturgy and Arts Convention and that went pretty well...I was mostly there for the music and I couldn't live without music.
Well...I have to say that I've experienced too many car accidents (by my perspective anyway) this week. Friday, my dad and I was coming home from the store when we had to wait about 10-15 minutes before our neighborhood because of a car accident on the highway. The car was totalled when we saw it pass by on the tow truck.
Saturday...ugh, I was riding home with Sister Elizabeth from the BILAC convention thing I went to for music workshops for most of the day and around 4:30pm we got stuck in this MASSIVE traffic jam and we had to wait nearly THREE HOURS until we finally got home. Sunday...not a bad day, the only thing is that I heard there was another big accident in Kona...of which I heard someone had...run over a donkey..? 0.o Yes, to some it may be strange, but there are donkeys that come down from the mountains over the lava rocks here in Hawaii and just cross the road. And there ARE donkey crossing signs...some people are just speed demons on that dang highway.
But Saturday...I sort of...feel glad that I didn't see the wreck, as curious I feel about it. One car went over the middle line, another was approaching, tried to avoid the other car, and one of them flew off the bridge or something. A Jeep. Helicopters had to be called in for rescue since the car was in the gulch. Many tow trucks went to the scene and as they pulled up the car...a body fell out. People died that day. In fact...of all the car accidents that occured for three days in a row...they all did. Of course of those which remind me of the little skit of a car accident I watched during my KMC retreat.
Well anyway...moving on..had a couple of friends talk to me about...depression. Sort of. Oh we went on about it like a joke...I gave some comfort...I felt appreciated since they could trust me...but I felt helpless. I didn't know what to say or do. Which is why I keep on thinking that besides just me, that I drag my friends on to get professional help. Heh...but I guess we're all chicken to even move a muscle. Still...it's one thing that I hope won't become a bigger problem in the future. It makes me feel better to think I can be comforting and trustworthy...yet...too brainless to say anything worth alleviating my friends of. But I'll try. By God I'll try.
Anyway...we're teens. We go through this crap. We're stuck between the past and future. Battling ourselves between independence and dependence from our parental roots. We feel like dirt at times. We go through ups and downs, highs and lows, and we feel like we feel more of the downs than the ups. It's a long roller coaster, my friend.
One of my friends asked me if I ever considered death...how I think I'd kill myself if I ever did, (God forbid). But..just for my amusement...I took some quizzes.
YOU WOULD ASPHYXIATE YOURSELF. you're smart enough to realize that death isn't something to be toyed with, but you still have the occasional suicidal impluse or desire. you are extremely cautious where it comes to self-mutilation, self-abuse, and substance abuse. if you were going to commit suicide, you'd want it to be as painless as possible. how would you commit suicide?
And because I love the elemental quizzes...
Which Element Represents You?
created by 
kefkafanatic @ mental insanity
And one more for kicks 'cause I love music...
which musicgenre fits to you?
"Her life was stole ...now we'll never know..." ~Kelly Rowland - Stole
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
