February 27, 2003 ~ 7:22 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the Day: "Leap of Faith" ~ Michelle Branch ( thanks Yunie...for telling me about this song )
Dear God bless my soul, I am in pain...I ache....and I am emotionally breaking.
I am never going to give up on helping someone regardless of how much I am hated. Even if it is my fault had I told anyone else about the other person's problem, it will be to someone that might be able to help. Sometimes it may be a big mistake, but as many times as I've said, and people should know this...that we are human and people make mistakes because no one is perfect and should not be hated for a simple thing. But in the eyes of one, I am always the enemy...
I admit if I've made a mistake then of course I'll accept it as my fault. But is it fair that I be condemned for trying to HELP?? I won't try to reason it out, I just wish that a certain someone would get their act together, but when you are in a rage at someone and want revenge, no one in the world matters, the thought that no one in the world cares. Open your damn eyes, my friend. Everything can't go all perfect in *YOUR* world.
A little tip when trying to help someone who is emotionally distraught: someone may come to you for help and advice at any time. Make sure you are emotionally stable and can handle anything the other may throw at you. Try not to take sides if unnecessary in order to help the person; use reverse psychology when needed. ( Boy, I talk like some professional. I think I was possessed by the soul of a mediator )
Life is not fair to us. Thus, we must deal with those problems and always have calm. We must find the eye of the storm, so we don't end up hurting ourselves, and others. Anger and hatred only brings more anger and hatred and will lead us to our own path of destruction. It is normal to feel angry and depressed. Because that's life. We need to be strong. But some people need to know that. I know that I am not strong...but I have endurance. Faith and hope...and if you can, love....will give you the endurance you need to rid yourself of the demons that play with your head. We need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. It's just plain....stupid.
And you know what? I am SICK AND TIRED of seeing people that way....because it just kills me to see that. It's terrible. People don't deserve to feel like that. Humans were not made to hate. They created it of their own will. And I believe that history repeats itself. That long history of hatred will never leave us alone. We succumb to temptation. And pardon me...but....it makes people act DAMN FUCKING STUPID. They can't learn to forgive themselves thus they cannot learn to forgive others until it is too late. But we learn lessons from life experiences and we need to learn them on our own.
We just need to have someone to trust and talk to. Is it really fair to mistreat the person that is trying to help you so much but you hate them so bitterly that you feel like they're your worst enemy? Is because of what they have done that you hate. You hate what was done to YOU but sometimes some things happen unintentionally.
I'm not perfect either but at least I know a lot of people come to me for advice. I am trustworthy but I only reveal the truth when I feel that someone else besides me needs to know. Or else I fear that something much more terrible may happen.
Right now...I'm tired, hot and cold and achy all over. I have a high fever and a slow headache is overcoming me. I don't need the kind of crap I'm facing right now but I'm doing the best I can to help in my condition. It's just cruel that I have to be hated or whatever for trying to help like so many times before and I receive nothing return. But I don't need anything. No, I never ask for much. I just want to help but I am not needed even though when I know it is needed.
Don't hurt me more than I already am....I'm in pain from this fever...in pain from everything...because I just can't take it. I cannot let myself be pushed onto these responsibilities all the time...and yet who is there to help me..?
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
