February 01, 2003 ~ 1:37 a.m.
Feeling:
It's pretty late of me to be doing this. Well I guess I should get this off of me because I've been meaning to write about it which I haven't. It was supposed to come AFTER a different entry because I like to put the events of my life in sequence. However, this entry is more important.
This just hit me fast and hard. Someone died. Not just anyone, but a close friend of my mom's. She was years older than my mom but not older than my grandma. Besides being a friend to my mom, she was also my 'guardian' a few times. She had stayed in our extra room for a while because it was one of the only places she could stay, and she would...well watch me when my parents would work and I was alone. No, I do not want to consider that 'babysitting'.
Anyway, she was a kindly old woman, seemingly trying to be independent, yet still dependant on others, like my mom. Of course she would buy some snacks for me when she went shopping for herself. All right, so she treated me like a child, because she'd been babysitting her stepsister's kids for a while. Still, she did return the favor to my mom. She once sued a doctor because he fumbled on his operation of her stomach when she had cancer. She gave my mom $1,000.
But yet what does that have to do with anything?
She had been diagnosed with stomach cancer for a long while. There was one time when she was in the hospital for a while, the time my parents and I visited her she was very thin. We had thought she was going to die soon, but then my mom said that the doctor mentioned she had sprung back to life, like she had 9 lives like a cat.
Unfortunately...that didn't seem to last very long.
Monday morning...7:30am. She was gone.
I hadn't gone to visit her before she passed away. I had forgotten. I didn't have the chance.....I was just so stupid for forgetting...and now I couldn't say goodbye, or see her again. I never will.
I was told about her death when I called my mom on my cell phone when my dad and I went into town Monday afternoon. I was shocked...slightly.
And yet...her death had not affected me much up until this point. The emotions come out as I write. This brings me to recall the death of my aunt's uncle's mother. She was a sweet woman, yet I never knew her much and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. But I could feel nothing. Only sympathy. Not sorrow.
Going back to my mom's friend. Christina. That's her name. There were many flaws that our neighbors tolerated in secrecy. She gossiped too much; she read unbelieveable tabloids; and other things that I refrain to mention.
Even so, she was a good woman. Like any woman, beautiful, in her youth, and even beautiful...within.
I pray for her journey to Heaven.
The sad thing now is...the funeral is February 7. But what I meant by that I won't ever see her again...is that her family wants her cremated. I don't know if they're really going to do it. It's dispicable.
Christina's only family were her stepsister and stepbrother. She was hated by them, and their mother. They took advantage of her; used her for money. They were cruel toward her.
There were some times when she could not understand someone. Poor hearing, misunderstanding. Many things that could make one feel extreme pity for the woman. But I still pray for her good soul.
God...please open your arms to her in the light of Heaven...please tell her that I ask for forgiveness...because it will be the last time....
I never got the chance....
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
