June 03, 2003 ~ 10:56 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the Day: "When the Stars Go Blue" ~ The Corrs ft. Bono
"If you don't like what you see in the mirror, it is not the mirror that must be changed. It is you. In very much the same way, the world you experience on the outside is a reflection of who you are on the inside. If that world is ever to move forward, it must begin with you."
I really like that message. My mom has now made this habit of posting interesting things on the bathroom wall. Yeah, the bathroom...the most likely place we will see those things. I just happened to see that article, and it just spoke to me. There was more to the article, but the first part would apply more to my mom, but the mirror part...was more for me.
It's amazing how you don't seem to look for the intriguing things in life; they just find you. That article gave me inspiration to do a topic on it. I did an entry on mirrors a while back, about how I detest looking into one. Why? Because I hated how I looked, at how I felt about myself. I despised looking in the mirror because I knew I was not making myself the person I wanted to be.
The illusion of the mirror sometimes scares me; I get this very scary feeling that I am not who I am. I feel like I am a completely different soul in an unknown body, and it frightens me. However, over time I have tried to push away those thoughts and feelings and try to make more of myself. I feel that I have made some progress, though there is still much more work to do.
True that I did not like what I see in the mirror. I need definite change; there is just so much going on at this point in my life. Now I try to work hard, and try do be more independent as I crave to be. I'm trying to mature but u it's going at a slower than steady pace. I have so many goals and dreams for myself but I have not completed them fully.
So much talk of mirrors...the thing that I hate most but makes so much significance to me. Now when I look in the mirror sometimes I'm beginning to like what I see, feel good about who I am. I'm trying to get to be the person I want to be. It's tough for me to make change. I have a habit of wanting to hold onto something, regardless of how little it may be, though at times I have a 'don't care' attitude.
The mirror shows me, me, me. There are things within and from the outside that always tell me that the first step to improve my lifestyle is to...well begin with myself. I am trying to participate in more things in church and school. I want to experience the better things in life as I always want to.
Life has been going pretty good, I think...despite all the hardships I've gone through, because that's how it is. I've had my share of experiences, and I know there is a lot more to come. Life has been better because of my love of God. Yes, I always feel better when I go to him for help and guidance.
An example? About a week ago my parents were fighting about some stupid things, and they didn't talk to each other for a while. My mom wouldn't come home until very late and my dad would care less about her. Hiding in the car to sleeping in my room, my mom tried to avoid my dad as much as possible, even to talk to him. However, with the help of a little prayer, God threw me a line and now my parents aren't so hostile to each other right now. My mom's back to sleeping with my dad in their room, and my dad's been a little more good about it.
So someday...I will build the strength to confront them both and iron out all the wrinkles in this messed up family of ours. I've got to change me, and the mirror doesn't have to do anything but show me the new person I've become.
I'm feeling pretty good right now, and it's been one of those times.
Image in the mirror, smile for me now...
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
