September 06, 2002 ~ 6:40 p.m.
Feeling:
I should finish talking about my KMC trip before I continue on with anything else.
Well the second day, Sunday morning, I woke up early because I could hear Sister Elizabeth moving about (man she wakes up early...) then just tried to get back to sleep but I could hear people in the hallway talking and it was annoying so I tried my best to sleep in a little more before I had to get up and take a shower. I had set my watch to alarm at around 7:30am but I was awake before 7.
I got a few winks in before I forced myself up and fixed the bed sheets and blankets of my bunk before I gathered my stuff to take a shower. I'd usually take a shower in the evening but last night we went to the dorms late and my mom tells me never to go to sleep when your hair is wet or you'll get blind...0.o'.
Well anyway, after I took my shower and got dressed (the bathrooms were really nice too, you'd want to have one of those big bathrooms with shower stalls at school or something) I got my stuff to go to the activity room where everyone had to gather at 8 to do praise and worship. Afterward, we had to go eat breakfast with our 'Number 3 appointment'. Apparently I had to switch my number 3 appointment in the beginning but he wasn't there at the time so Jo, one of the wonderful people who had planned the trip, offered to be my appointment for breakfast.
So we walked over and talked a bit, and she caught me saying "I can't" because at the beginning of our retreat she said there was a contest to see who could get the most tickets when you hear someone say "I can't." It was a tricky game, and I gave up near the end, as I didn't care, because barely anyone wanted to give up their tickets. But then while me and Jo continued to talk, I caught her saying "I can't" so then we didn't have to owe each other anything.
We had a great breakfast, and it was really fun to talk to Jo, because she is just so wonderfully nice you'd want to talk to her all day. After breakfast we went to the Ohia room to do more stuff. There were...more presentations, I think, and then Jo went to talk about how hard it is to break out of a habit to make a teeny sin when you would continue to ask Jesus for forgiveness. But Jesus will forgive you everytime, no matter how many small sins you commit. But you must remember that when you make a promise, you shouldn't break it.
(Which made me think...when we were doing our chains on the Ten Commandments, Jo talked about 'breaking promises' and I instantly thought of Mikki and how I so stupidly broke a promise I made to him then brushed it off so easily. I felt really bad then, and I kept on thinking that after I had gone through Reconciliation, that if Jesus can forgive me everytime, maybe I could just pray and hope for just this one person; Mikki, to forgive me. And I do mean it. I want to make peace. Forgive, forget.....and remember...and try not to make the mistake again.)
So then Jo explained that if we think back if we had broken any commandment since we last had confession. I had broken every commandment but two. "Thou shalt not steal" (but I was thinking I might have...don't really want to believe it though..) and "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," (meaning I shouldn't be jealous of someone else's boyfriend and all that, but I barely want to look that direction as I want to stay clear away from getting close to any boy as possible).
So, of course I had broken the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill." Yes, and don't take it literally, I may not have really 'murdered' anyone, but one thing referring to that means that I could have killed someone's spirits. Meaning, I could have teased someone or not cared. It made me think of Sara's brother. I don't know if I really did break his spirits, but I really felt like I did. As annoying and perverted he is, I can't help but love the little brat. He is family, after all. ( Of course, our little parish group brought along the little 'Ohana means family' thing from 'Lilo and Stitch').
Back to Sara's brother...I know sometimes I 'beat him up' because he does odd things to me and won't leave me alone, but I know I don't have the right to be hurting him. There have been a few times where I think that I hurt him so bad he cries, and I try to make him feel better, but sometimes he makes it in a joking way but I still feel bad. The kid can live through it, but that'll take a piece out of his sanity and social upbringing.
And I know I caught myself breaking other commandments. Which I won't specify but considering I should to show I'm not such a 'clean' girl as pictured. Afterward, we had to go and sit with our 4th appointment, and then Sister Elizabeth did her presentation on values. Values of what we believe in. Of what we hold ourselves up to. Moses had to deal with his values, and so me, Bridget, Shelina, and Andy did a short skit pretending to be the consciences of Moses, after God told him to lead His people out of Egypt. I was the conscience of doubt, Shelina was the faithful one, Andy was the family man, and Bridget was the...hehe, 'murderer' (this concerns when Moses killed an Egyptian for beating on an Israeli slave and ran off into the desert). It was short appointment with Emily, but she seemed to know me well, and I later found out that she recognized me from being in Ensembles when we went to play at Konawaena high school.
It was getting close to lunch and we had short time for people to go for Reconciliation from Father Jack Ryan, what with 40+ people there. So I waited with Bridget after I went with her to the bathroom and then sang along with the guy who played guitar (most of the girls kept on saying that the other guy who could play guitar; Justin, was a cutie) and then after Bridget did her confession, I went to go and do mine. I usually want to cry while I go to confession, but I felt a little better of being absolved of my sins, and I went to Jo to go and tape back my commandment chains, to be 'brought back to Jesus'.
I went to go the prayer corner for some quiet prayer then went to Jo to tape back my ripped paper chains. Jo asked us what we could do to prevent ourselves from breaking the commandments we ripped of the paper chains, and I almost felt like crying because it was so true, and that I felt so much better about having all this guilt off of me. I was supposed to go and sit with my 5th appointment, which was Lana, one of the girls bunking in the room I stayed in, but she went to go get food for everyone and I was still waiting in that long line for confession. But...I felt like I didn't want to get to know her (bad girl! not wanting to make friends!) because I thought she was snobby. That wasn't nice of me to judge, but I kept quiet with her.
So I didn't get to have a full appointment with her. Next we had to have mass, so we had to walk with our 6th appointment to the chapel there, but she said she had stuff to do so she told me to go walk to the chapel. To me it seemed kinda cold...like she didn't want to walk with me. Shelina told me that her first impression of her was that she was a b*tch. But I wasn't trying to point fingers. Mass was spiritual; we all gathered around the alter and held hands like a big family to be together around the table as Father Jack did the reinactment of the Last Supper. Something done every mass, it was never as spiritual as the one we did that day. Afterward we had some free time and had to hang out with our 7th appointment, but the girl I had the appointment with didn't want to talk to me much.
Later I went to talked to Bridget who was praying and she said she was sad, that she was thinking about her boyfriend and how she wanted him to be a Catholic, too. I told her about the couple that would come to our church and sit right in the front seat in front of the alter when most people didn't. Once the husband said that he was brought to Catholicism because of his wife. I thought that was sweet. Then Bridget said that she's tired of hiding that she loves her boyfriend, but that she's afraid her family might be mad at her, that she'd be just like her cousin Farrah, who had a baby young and isn't married yet. So now her family has shifted their eyes on her. She doesn't want to spoil her family's reputation, because her family is so popular back home. So I talked to her for a while, confessed some of my own hurtful secrets and Sister Elizabeth came and said we were such good friends. I agree. Bridget's one of my very close real life friends. She motivates my religion.
Theeen...later we got mixed into groups again and had to plan some social activities for the 'social' tonight after dinner. Each group had to 'make a song' with Rusty, (the guy who played for our praise songs) make a skit, and plan an activity for everyone to do.
After that session, we went yet again to the eating place to have a steak buffet dinner! Yeah! They were cooked to order, and were really tender. We had to eat dinner with our 8th appointment, which was this girl Joyce, who was also bunking in the same room as me. She's awesome, and the funny thing is, is that she reminds me of Kai! I swear she does! The way she talks and all that, and kinda looks like Kai too! Hehe...she's nice to talk to, and before I went on my trip and Kai said she wouldn't be on over the weekend, I kinda didn't miss Kai too much...(but I still did have you in thoughts, Kainess! n.n).
After dinner, we went back for the social! We began with the activities, and the first game was that we had to play like 'Jan Ken Po' which is 'Rock, Paper, Scissors', against other people, and the loser has to crawl...eh...under the winner's legs and hold onto their shoulders until the first person goes to challenge someone else. I ended up in this long line, and eventually it came down to this one match between the two longest lines. Bridget's cousin Aries was at the front...everyone's heart was racing.........
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.....ARIES LOST! And our WHOLE LINE had to go under everyone else in that long line! That game was the best, it was funny. I was running out of breath, though, I was so tired, and my body hurt, but I had so much fun. The next game was similar, but we had to stand back to back with someone, and strike one of three poses: a karate fighter, a hunter, and a bear. The karate fighter beats the hunter, the hunter beats the bear, and the bear eats beats the karate fighter. I eventually lost, but the game was so much fun.
The next game was something like telephone, but that one wasn't so fun...then it was my group's turn for our activity and we had people play a game like charades where they had to act out major scenes in the bible. Simple, but not as fun as the first few.
Next came the skits. The first two were ok, mostly pretending they were us that we were at the retreat, what we thought before, what happened, and what we thought afterward. But then...came my group's skit. I had come up with the idea of making an infomercial about a 'Sincatcher'. I was the 'host', and I remember me being so hyper and saying something along these lines at a fast pace, but messed up a bit.
"Are YOU tired sins taunting you at every turn? Afraid of the devil following you step by step? After this retreat you'll have temptations come after you, like a pack of dogs...."
And I made them laugh. Yay for me! I can act! Anyway, Shelina acted as the 'victim' where her friends were tempting her to do bad things, and put signs like 'Drugs', and 'Alcohol', 'Stealing', and 'Cheating' over her. Then after she got down and prayed and her 'angel' which I assumed was our 'sincatcher' took off her sins and tore them apart. Then I concluded with some jabber 'cause I forgot to say the name of my 'product' (not a very good salesperson, am I? ) and tried to copy those guys that talk really fast through details when selling something: "Only $99.99 not available in any of your parishes..." that made 'em burst with laughter at the end!
Anyway, we had one more thing to do, and we played a game where we had blown up these small balloons of the certain color our group was (mine was yellow) and then the balloons were set in the center of the room and we had to use our feet to get our color balloons to our corner of the room. We lost 'cause this stupid boy with boots kicked our balloons to the other side of the room.
The next game involved our bigger 'punching balloons' where we had to keep two balloons from falling on the ground by keeping in a circle by punching our balloons at them. We lost. Eh...
ANYWAY we eventually went to the activity room and did our 'made-up' songs...(we sucked, even though I made up the first lyrics) and then went to the dorms to shower, and sleep. Everyone got to bed a lot earlier than the night before, and everyone must have been exhausted because there wasn't much people up and about late at night, and MAN I myself was REALLY tired, and my left arm was so weak I could barely hold myself up. I could feel my muscles quivering under my skin. So I instantly fell asleep. That's how tired I was. Like I said, I didn't think I could do so much in one day and be so tired...
WHEW! THAT WAS A LOOONG ENTRY! Thanks for taking the time to read it...I just need to store my memories, y'know? My brain can only hold so much...@.@
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
