February 23, 2003 ~ 6:25 p.m.
Feeling:
Today is my dad's birthday. Nothing special, any regular day, but just celebrated the greatness of him. My dad, the out-going, friendly, generous, short-tempered yet loveable man of my heart, dad. Besides my mom and I worrying about his health, he's one heck of a trooper. Like any rough and tough man, he endures a lot. And he works damn hard to make sure we're not in a financial mess. I just had to say I love him...
In other news, I've just realized that my writing is as bland and dull as fruitcake. Okay, so maybe fruitcake isn't so bad to some folks, but I guess as of now, some past reviews I've had have mentioned that I'm too 'deep and depressed'. Usually, you'd read another review of another diary somewhere and the reviewer would say how the diarist doesn't have enough 'emotion' in their writing. I've poured out tons of it in this little corner of my alternate universe. It's just that I may be overreacting saying how depressed I am. Either that or the reviewers don't bother to look that way back to read my entries. There's a lot more crap going on than just me dripping with sappy sorrow, pain, and angst....though angst isn't so bad, when it comes to fiction.
Drama, I love drama. Love the word, love the whole deal of itself. I love to act, so maybe I've just been putting on a play for my readers all this time. The play of myself. In as full or lacking of the truth I may be. It's just that my diary is the ONLY place that I can throw all my nasty depression in and cage it up. Someday, if ever possible, I'd want my parents to read this if I either die before they do or I'm as far away from them as possible. Not because I'm afraid of what they may think or say ( maybe a little...), but because...it would be better if they realized the painful truth and hidden secrets of me.
I just write when I want to. Either that or I'm lazy, and a lot of good thoughts pass me by. When I think of doing an entry, I know exactly what I want to say but then as soon as my fingers hit the keyboard and I end up in lovely diaryland, I can't seem to even touch that 'add an entry' link.
So, one can never really blame a reviwer for not liking one's writing. Different people have different opinions. Of course, the same feeling toward a diarist's writing can be common among a majority of the people that visit.
Maybe I should just throw all my depressive entries into my diary-x diary. I can be as angsty and depressed I want. I'm not really a funny person if I try to be...it just comes along in an odd way whenever I talk to Kai...which I've mentioned, is not a good thing for any innocent bystander.
But like Kai said, I shouldn't let anyone force me into changing my style of writing. I'm just going to try and be a little bit more 'confident' in myself, and at least make myself realize I'm a true blue human and that's how I am. I just like the way I write, but I just gotta watch out for such evil little things such as jealousy and hatred. Don't need any extra fog in this clouded mind.
"Writing is a journey. Destination unknown."
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
