June 24, 2003 ~ 7:32 p.m.
Feeling:
It strikes unwillingly....it hates viciously. Oh how evil...that jealousy can be. That's right, for trying to be such a 'righteous' (or not) person, I can have a streak of jealousy over things, which isn't good. I despise it, just as much as that other evil thing called depression. Oh how loathe it...
Are they emotions? They may seem so...but not. I don't know why people feel depression and jealousy, and I consider them both to be very nasty and unwanted things. I catch myself being jealous often, but then that guilt sneaks in, and I know that it's not right to be jealous of anything. Or anyone. Yeah...so I may have some hidden secret behind this...so I hope no one will be offended.
Passive people like myself always try to be nice to others and give all that they can, but know that they also want a lot of attention for themselves. Being too selfish is a bad thing but there are times when a burrowed heart needs to hit fresh air again.
So then you wonder how another person feels when you ask them for something or you tell them an accomplishment. I'm not really sure of these things but it's like I can feel that jealousy. I don't know...I'm not saying that people are always like that but we do get that feeling sometimes. That jealousy can come to ruin things but if they are small it will soon be forgotten.
So why are there such things as depression and jealousy in the world? I guess it must have originated from the human desires of long ago. So it's nothing to blame for since it occurs naturally. It just depends on how we control it. When I feel depression and jealousy...I hide it. I don't want anyone else to know because I fear what they will think of me. Some of us are so used to being prime and proper nowdays. That's how adults are. We want to be mature and seem independent and capable of ourselves.
We hate ourselves for doing stupid things...or for doing bad things to others. So I think jealousy...is one of those things that can hurt one's feelings. It's really hard to deal with those kinds of things, but I guess if I get over it, nothing bad will happen. I'm trying so hard not to be that way.
I just hope that trying too hard might not make me lose touch with myself...
Don't mind any of that. Sometimes I just don't know what I'm talking about.
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
