April 23, 2003 ~ 5:42 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the Day: "Taking Over Me" ~ Evanescence
Wow. Praise the heavens. I am back. I was taken completely by surprise. My dad tricked me by saying that my computer would be gone another week. Then he told me to check the monitor since it was the only thing I thought that didn't have to go and then I pulled off the cover and there it was...the tower. My dad is evil. And I mean that in an affectionate way.
I had been without a computer and access to internet at home for over two weeks. But you know what? I think my life felt a little better staying away for a while. Only very minimal usage of a computer and internet and sporadic check ups of my e-mail at school.
As Tricia told me, it's healthy to be away from the computer for a while. And it's true; I feel better. And I actually feel a little reluctant now that I have the computer back. I think that during the time I was computerless was a sign of a lesson I had to learn. Two weeks ago I was going through Lent, and that's over now. But like I've said, I can't let the end of Lent stop me. Just last week was Holy Week. And I had realized then that with the computer gone I could concentrate on everything I had to do.
I had escaped from most of the things that held me down to a possible point of breakdown by being online. A good amount of stress had been lifted from my thoughts and though there were times when I did nothing I felt at peace with myself. I guess you could call it my own accidental retreat. Heck, now I think that it was actually good that my computer was gone for a while. But I still do miss my friends online. I do know that I need to live my life though.
I do think I should try not to read too many diaries lately. I've just peeked at a few of my friends' diaries and some of my favorites. Still, most diaries are full of strong emotions and once my eyes fall upon those words I soak up those feelings like water in a sponge. Negative, sorrowful emotions can override my sensitive spirit.
But really, I should be happy! I haven't been doing a good job of it though. Why? I've been to church four times this past week. Once on Good Friday, once on Saturday for Easter Vigil, and twice for both masses to sing in the choir for Easter Sunday. What a wonderful week it was. I felt a strong closeness to God, and I am always thankful for my savior Jesus.
I don't want to get really heavy on the religious stuff right now. For the past couple weeks I felt the freedom of my soul. I just needed that solitude and I got to spend a little more time with my family. There are still things that need to be worked out but it sure felt good. Appreciate all the little things in life. Always.
So back to the present. The daily things are starting to get heavy on me again but that's the way it is. I have to keep going. Even though I know that I have abandoned many things, such as tennis ( the season is over and I practically gave up and I don't go to practice anymore and it's close for the players to go to states ), piano ( I still practice for Ensembles at school but I never touch my piano at home ), most of the things I used to do online ( I don't want to overload myself like I was doing before ), and everything else I had aspired myself to be.
I know I can't ditch everything. I know I can't get rid of my responsibilities unless I finish them myself. But I do know that I think I have tried to improve my life and I feel better about it.
Let me run free and I will come back again...
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
