September 03, 2003 ~ 9:48 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the Day: "Time After Time" ~ Cindi Lauper
Right now I feel like I'm getting sick of the internet, though I still have that basic need to just...be online even though I don't want to be. I'm still being rather avoidant of all my buddies online. It seems like I don't want to talk much anymore. That still doesn't mean that I have anything against them. I've said it before that it's because of this changing point in my life, but I believe it's also because I always need a lot of time alone, or with my real family and friends.
One thing still bothers me though. I feel as if I'm drifting away from all my online friends. There are so many things in the past that I've pushed away. I don't keep contact much. It would only be on rare occasions. I just feel like....I need to carry on with my life. As slow as it may be moving along. I'm in this stage where I'm trying to enjoy every moment of my life as much as I can.
I had thought before that I wanted to get away from this place. Now it occurs to me that I need to stay where I belong. Where I am needed. To stay in the place I've always lived, and to be close to the people that will truly care. I need to be close to real people. There is something that just tells me that I have to stay.
My friendships have just been drifting along...it's like we don't have to tell each other about anything in our lives, we just write it all here in our diaries whenever we have the time, open to all. However, we don't tell everything that there is to know. I just feel like I don't matter much now because as I see it, if I was looking at myself, it would feel as if I didn't care. And then we all just let it go along. Long periods of time don't seem to matter much to me. I just let fate take the wheel and let it direct me to whenever I need to meet someone again.
All right well I'm getting nowhere with this entry now. It's getting all messed up and jumbled. I need to relax and clear my thoughts. Yeah...as if they were ever clear....there's too much on my mind right now...
I'm beginning to notice that whenever I do an entry here I write as if the world is going to end or I'm suffering some deep depression. No happy thoughts here....I would suggest you go on over here and read something with much more meaning and depth.
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
