†§olitary¿ .... v.10 {{As I pray...I pray for you...}}

Dress-up
December 19, 2002 ~ 3:32 p.m.
Feeling:

The current mood of zephyrangel at www.imood.com

Song of the day: "Then You Look At Me" ~ Celine Dion

I tried posting this last night but my damn internet wouldn't load the entry. Thank goodness I saved it first.

I am really convinced I'm not much of a 'social' person. Sure, I like to hang around with other people...but I don't like to stick around too much. In school I'd follow any 'ol crowd, anybody I knew, I would go with. During recess I'm with one group, lunch I'm with another. I be with the group I want to be with if it's convenient for me. I love to help out my friends but if they lag behind I tend to walk ahead of them too quickly. But then if they can't go on or I feel like they want me to be closeby I'll stop and wait.

I have a lot of patience with most things, but I am one who likes to rush and hurry up things. With this fast-paced world it's hard for us humans to live according to chronos time. Ok so maybe I'm getting big on things here.

Well going back on my topic, I'm not quite social and tend to fade into the background of things. But if someone wants someone to listen I will listen. I sometimes hear what others don't, see what others cannot.

My school's winterball is this Saturday. A social event. Something I had never attended in the past two years I started going to that school. I don't know why I wanted to go, partially because my mom forced me into it, seemingly thinking it'd make me a bit more 'social' and make me look 'pretty' to have something 'nice' to remember with a pretty 'picture' (soul-stealer) to perhaps show off and so my mom can pride in it. Another reason I thought that I wanted to go was because I thought some of my other friends were going but it turns out one of them is throwing her own party of which I doubt I'd be able to go to anyway if I wasn't going to winterball.

I do know other people who are going, but a lot of people are saying that winterball this year sucks, and it isn't going to be too much fun. With all this negativity about winterball I really think I shouldn't have gone. I would have felt better about going if my cousin was going to be my guest, but he couldn't get out of working on his new job. So ok, I'm left to escort myself. At least I'm going to sit at the same table with people who I know.

It's so frustrating, though...since Monday (and Mondays are NOT my best day...) my mom and I went to Kona to find me a different dress for winterball in case I wouldn't want to wear the first one we picked out before. My mom wants variety and wants to look at different options before being satisfied. Of course, being in the terrible mood I was in on Monday we both stressed out over what we could find in Ross, and most of the dresses I tried were terrible or didn't fit and to top it all off my mom has to comment on my body structure.

I'm starting not to care at all about winterball, and I would like to ditch, but of course my mom dished out $55 for me to go and get a nice winterball picture. I can only hope that Saturday will go by quickly.

Tonight mother dearest had me try out all the different dresses to make me decide what I should wear to winterball. I didn't know which, I am horrible at making decisions right away, because I never know what I want. And it brought me back to that depressing mirror. That damn mirror in the hallway that mocks me when I'm trying to see myself. I still can't say who I really am yet, because that mirror keeps on showing me something else. Something that I should really change. Well enough about that then.

I made this quiz! I know Kai's been wanting an Outlaw Star quiz, so I did it especially for her! n.n Oh and I can't forget to give lots of hugs and credit to Xling, who's hosting the quiz 'n piccys from her diary community In My Words. The quiz will also be hosted at my site but I have to fix it up yet...