June 19, 2003 ~ 11:18 p.m.
Feeling:
Damn....I really hate this. Just when I think I'm doing fine, something negative comes to slap me in the face and I have to deal with it. It's not that I really despise having to do it, nor do I hate the people involved, but I guess that's what fate wants to do with me. Well then...watch out life-problem sufferers, I'm here to lend a hand.
Why do I always have to accept to help out? That's just me I guess. Ms. Understanding. Here I go again to jump into helping people with situations when I've got problems of my own that I have no strength to solve. So my analysis comes to this: people help other people, and there will be someone who will help you. At least that's how I've been observing things.
I think of my empathy and ability to understand is a gift....and a curse both at once. I don't always know what to say...nor do I feel like I always say the right thing...but I guess I have my good intentions. I'm not the best person in the world myself (though many would think so), but I do the best I can. It's just that dealing with those things gets heavy on the heart. My heart is a big soft sponge.
I think myself crazy...I don't know everything in the world and I'm a bit ditzy sometimes that I can't even think. I just hope that I can at least be of some help to the person. It is hard for me though because I am still young, and I lack knowledge and may not have experienced the situation that the one in need of help is asking me my opinion on.
So far this is where life has put me. These are the things I have to deal with. I cannot refuse them, because I have an eternal need to help people even though I may not have the strength it takes to erase the entire situation, but I have tried hard enough to help ease it a little. I just wish I could do that more often, and yet it is too hard to deal with.
I won't say who I've talked to...but there are some interesting points I brought up in a certain conversation.
"Cass: not everyone may understand....
Cass: but you should know that there will always be someone who will"
..............."we've suffered too much depression to think pain is our only comfort...."
I think I've learned a lot this week...a lot of things are swimming in my head. A lot of things about life, and behaviors of people. Oh geez I can just see where this is going to lead me now...
Absolutes are the things in life we cannot change...
Read this. It just might make sense.
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
