January 22, 2003 ~ 8:57 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the day: "Sittin' In My Room" ~ Zack Kekona
Well I guess I finally pushed myself to start reviewing again. I just felt like it.
Sunday started out neutral but turned out for the worst in the end. I didn't start it off so well, because I missed mass at church. I mentally kicked myself several times for that. I hate waking up late...
So, my parents and I went out to do a little shopping. We stopped by the Mauna Lani bay hotel to check out the tennis shop there because I needed to buy a raquet to join my high school's tennis team. (More on that later) and so after a while of deciding and arguing, we didn't buy anything and left since of course, buying anything from a hotel is damn expensive.
So after a while my mom finally found me a nice, cheap raquet at Walmart and some shoes. In the afternoon we had to drop off my dad at work and my mom brought me to church to have Sunday night class.
Since we rotate who runs what lesson/activity every week, Bridget was in charge of showing and discussing a film. She chose a video; "Survival Guide for Adults: Why Do Bad Things Happen?". At first she asked some questions, the first of which was what good thing happened to you over the past year and I had trouble thinking about that one, but I came up with something. The next was what bad thing happened and it didn't take me long to find a lot of bad things that happened to me over the past year of which I always regret and keep holding myself to...which is not a good thing to do.
I didn't really tell the 'group' what bad things I was thinking about...but some of them I will admit here now is: that I feel like I continually suffer more than most because I can't save myself; being stuck in the middle of arguments and worrying for my parents; the physical health of close relatives; promises I've made and broken; ( one VERY much in particular of which I have been gratefully forgiven for ) and the fact that I keep putting myself down and killing my health, unless that applies to the first thing I mentioned.
The film itself was powerfully emotional. It pulled my heartstrings a bit, and made me think of a lot of things that happened in my life, that didn't really apply to what was discussed in the video. I definitely learned something from it, even though it was directed more toward adults, but Sister Elizabeth said we were pretty much adults anyway.
So...the question that MANY people have probably asked over the course of their lifetime have asked, "Why do bad things happen...? ( to good people )" There are possibly three reasons for it.
First of all, it is because we are part of the human race. We were created as we are and we have to suffer once in a while to still know that we are human and that we make mistakes. Suffering brings us closer to God. It makes us know we are still alive, even though it may give us the feeling that we may be dead.
Second, is that bad things may happen because we sin. If you are a Christian/Catholic and believe that Adam and Eve began the course of human history, you probably know that they first committed human sin. God gave Adam and Eve the freedom to choose; He didn't create us to be obedient robots. They made the choice to sin, and could have refused the temptation. There are times when we neglect what was already good and perfect for us. We throw away something better for something we thought that we could have better in return.
Third, finally...agh...I can't really remember. What a loss. Shame on me.
Well anyway after the video...we had snacks, and then I rushed around to clean up, and make sure all the doors were locked in the hall. I had to do it fast, because I know Sister Elizabeth would want someone to do it and I didn't want to have to stay all night. Mom came to pick me up after everyone had left, since Bridget and her boyfriend Arthur had to leave quickly to get to this party that her grandparents were holding for their visiting relatives from the Philippines. Unfortunately they had started right when we had Sunday class, and my mom only dropped by and I didn't get a chance to see everyone because we had to pick up my dad from work.
We got home pretty late, and during our little car trip and some time alone to talk to my mom ended up that I felt myself to be incompetent again. I don't know how I started to feel that way again; maybe it was because of that film I saw that night. The thoughts and emotions it brought up got to me pretty bad and I began to feel quite useless.
So when I had gotten a chance to get online, I wasn't in the best mood. I was talking to Kai for a long while until it was late; chatting with her while Andy interrupted because he was staying at her house. ( I love you Andy.....hehe.) I talked with Kai until I felt that I really needed to sleep, because my body was weak and I was begin to shiver tremendously from the cold, as it had been extremely windy and rainy for the past week.
When I had finally crawled into the sanctuary of my bed, I felt horribly cold and I couldn't stop shivering. My nose was clogged and I curled up as much as I could to keep warm under two comforters but I felt like I had a fever. After probably at least an hour of freezing torment, I guess I fell asleep. I felt like I had woken up in the middle of the night because at that point I felt very hot and threw off my blankets. My mouth and throat was dry and my head felt fuzzy. It seemed odd to me because it was like there was an unwanted presence in my room, or something not comforting, and it was like I was being carried. Of course, I was probably acting delirious.
I fumbled around for my flashlight to look at my ticking wall clock and saw that it was close to 7am. I didn't want to stay in my room anymore, so I groggily stumbled to my mom's room, where I simply crawled in. She seemed annoyed that I came in, complaining as to why I was there, but eventually I got to sleep. I slept until noon, until I forced myself awake. When I told my mom about it later...she scolded me that it was probably because I had diabetes. I hadn't gone to the doctor for a long while so I wouldn't know.
I have got to stop doing this to myself...
Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the phoenix is a profound symbol of the circle of life. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 ears and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the phoenix has a beautiful melidous song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end. It is a symbol of the sun and immortality. The phoenix is a very worthwhile beast.
What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
