January 11, 2003 ~ 10:15 p.m.
Feeling:
Song of the day: "Automatic" ~ Utada Hikaru
Seems like a bunch of people I know are having troubles with relationships. Love is a hard game to play and its effects can be devastating. I know I've been there a few times, but not enough to know everything. Love is just something you do, of which I have bare experience, but I have a bit of wisdom on it.
First of all, is my friend Marizal. See her little problem is, that her boyfriend is ignoring her. He barely thinks of her now even when I've heard stories from her that they've broken up a few times and got back and now they're back at the beginning. It's like a never-ending cycle. I feel sorry for her, though I don't know exactly what to say, because my brain is slow and it takes me a while to reach into my well of wisdom. I lack common sense, though. ( and I wonder why I feel so idiotic....inhaling too many noxious fumes lately..? don't ask...)
So apparently my friend keeps on slipping back to her boyfriend. She knows he's doing her wrong and she argues with him. She tries to teach him a lesson but I don't know why she doesn't just leave him for good. I just hope she can work it out. She is a smart girl after all...really changed from the way I knew her a long time ago.
On to bigger things. My mom and dad. I have no idea what's up with them. My mom complains and suspects things too much. It's making her go crazy. My dad doesn't do much at home anymore. He does suspicious things ( which I won't explain ) and is getting a little more edgy lately. He's beginning to insult my mom a lot more often. And I, stuck in the middle of all this, have no idea what to say or do. There is nothing quite that mutual between them anymore. It's like they're just two people living together instead of husband and wife. My dad seems like he's got a lot of things on his mind. My mom is acting too paranoid of which she denies.
Right now for me in the house it feels like only me and my mom. It's like they've seperated and I have two different parents who I spend time with not too often. Communication is broken, and there are too many hidden secrets, lies, and pain floating between us. Now it just seems like an automatic reaction to deal with.
I know of another who has problems with her relationship as well. Depression seems to have befriended her.
That's why I never try to deal with love anymore...for me it's just turned into another impossible fantasy, at least for now. The love I once had...is either lost or insecure, and yet I still long for it. It's just a matter of waiting for 'the right one' but of course living in our time is getting harder on the body and soul and because of the rush of time people don't have time to wait anymore.
"'Cause right now I'm dyin'....outside the door, of your lovin' store.." ~ Michelle Branch, Game of Love
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
