January 02, 2003 ~ 9:51 p.m.
Feeling:
Got something cute in the mail today: n.n
ARIGATO KUNIKO-SAN! n.n How wonderful of her. I never expected to get something like that. :)
Well it's really been a crazy year. We're moving on and hopefully...this year will be better than the past couple of years. I've been slacking off for the past few months and I really need to kick myself in gear. Getting close to graduating and I still have made no move as to what any aspirations that may come.
Holidays haven't been the same for me during the past year. Halloween, Christmas, and even New Year wasn't the same as before. They had become not so 'spirited' with my family. Not a lot of things that went on. But enough with my gripe on holiday blues, at least it wasn't a total loss.
I've tried to work hard at some things. I do what I have to do on my own time. I don't like to be rushed and I hate deadlines. The things I felt I had been unappreciated for had finally paid off for me during Christmas and New Year. But I still feel like I'm missing something. I received a lot that would pay off for doing heavy chores but I still feel like there's something else I need to satisfy my starving soul. But I haven't been reaching for the goals I set.
I've been wanting to get a job lately. Though I haven't tried hard enough to find one. The only thing I ever tried to apply for was the new Blockbuster in town but I came in a bit too late. There were a couple of times a friend of mine wanted me to work with her after school and such but then those ideas went down the drain as we had either transportation or parental issues. I can't find anything that would interest me to the best of my abilities. But today I just realized that my chores at home are more than enough work for me if I actually tried to do them. I had thought that if I got a job I could get my own money to help out my parents with payments and so that I could be more independent instead of me leeching off of them. However since I am the only one mostly at home I have to do the chores that might not be done with my parents working at least two jobs each.
We are thriving slowly on what we have and I am grateful for that. However old issues come up again and again that keeps the family ties running thin.
Anyway, time I should talk about some important things before I forget:
Yeah..n.n' once again Sara had to remind me that it was your birthday. Sorry I didn't send you 'n X anything yet, I didn't have anything ready in time and I didn't have a chance to send them. Excuses, excuses...yeah sometimes I think that's a bad habit I'm getting to build.
New Year's Eve...my dad took me, Sara and her brother to watch "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" that day. And when we got home, my dad and I just relaxed until it got late until my mom came home. Then I had to rush around and set the table for dinner and then set up the fireworks to light and put the charcoal into the hibachi because my mom wanted to barbeque some stuff.
I could hear my cousins shooting off fireworks which was a little annoying while I was talking to Kai. When I went out after I ate I went to light some fireworks when Sara came. Poor thing was getting scared by my cousins because of the fireworks. After I lit some, even placed sparklers lined up in front of my lawn and lit them all in a row to scare of the bad spirits. My mom always said that we have to light a lot of fireworks in front of the house to scare of the bad spirits over the years. Even the loud noise-making fireworks.
I don't know why but I tend to like to believe a lot of things that may tend to be bad. My belief in scaring away bad spirits was motivated by how things in my house are always falling or breaking, because not long ago I accidentally broke a vase with plastic flowers and I tried to put it back together with ceramic glue and put it back like nothing happened and never told my mom about it. The same thing happened years ago and I put it back together and it still sits on a bookcase at the back of the living room. I don't know what my mom did with the other vase though...she probably threw it away but never asked about how it might've been broken. I'm such a scaredy-cat...for within my family everyone seems to keep to themselves and never tell anyone much about anythign that happens and they lie and don't want to get in trouble for something they've done. But I'm not trying to make my family look bad. It's a habit that runs through the line.
Ah so back to New Year's Eve...I kept running back and forth to my comp to say Happy New Year's to Kai, Karen in Washington, and Tricia. I ran down to my aunt's house to kiss and hug all my relatives there and my cousin JP to whom I've become attached to a bit because he reminds me of someone ( not saying who...) and tried to be as peppy as possible. Around nearly 1am Sara and her brother stayed over at my house and then I was cleaning up everything because I was 'high' on Pepsi. I was telling Sara that Pepsi was my 'feel good medicine' *ahem* but nothing bad...to me it just gets me into gear. So after drinking a good amount of it I washed all the dishes and cleaned up everything as fast as possible.
But that wasn't the weirdest part of the night. See my mom and dad weren't spirited enough to go down and say Happy New Year to my relatives next door so then while my mom was still at the barbeque my friend's oddball uncle came by, and talked to her for a while. I don't know why she had to talk to him maybe because she didn't want to go down to see my other relatives and because he was the only one who came up to our house (and he just walks around anywhere going to anyone's house) and I guess she sort of had pity on him and she gave him some food to eat.
After a while my mom told me to watch the barbeque and then he started to talk to me. I couldn't understand much of what he said at first because he was a little drunk ( which was a little scary because he's always heavily drunk when it comes to parties and holidays, because once my other uncle almost got into a fight with him for coming around asking for beer when he was close to passing out last New Years' ) and so he was asking me if I was...I don't really know 'crazy' or something because he was saying people born in February were usually crazy in the head because it's three days shorter than months with 31 days. I was surprised at that. Until my mom told him that most presidents were born in February. But ok, I can say that sometimes I can get a little crazy and 'out there' in the head. So yeah...
Anyway, also, my number THREE is gonna be haunting me and Kai all year, ( not really haunting ) because it's year 2003!! Enjoy yourselves, folks. Because I hope I will.
Can't take this crap anymore...
Torn
Staying Strong
Heavenly Music
A Filipino Drunkard's Party
Living life »»†«« in solitude...
